Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
