her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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