I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
