My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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