There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
