she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
