We won't sleep together?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
