I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
