No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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