Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
