her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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