She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
