I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
