She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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