just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
