i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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