I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
