I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
