i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
