I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
