we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hippo gnu deer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize