three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
