It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I looked at my own cervix.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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