My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
