I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
