I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
