now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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