Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found the puke drawer
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
