when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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