The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
