KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
