Little spoons don't ask big questions
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
