so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
