my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
