You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
