...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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