and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
