ugly people sure do ruin things
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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