Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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