I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
