Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
