Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
