We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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