She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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