I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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