The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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