after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
