Welp...herpes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
