end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
no, he came in my armpit
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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