I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i came on her dog
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
