quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
