Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
