I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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