How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
