i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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