i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
