you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
