I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
