you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That's intense
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
