I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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