Swine flu. Run for my life!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
