i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
