She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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