3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
