Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
