she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
