Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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