we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
