i think my tv is drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
