Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize