you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
